1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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