so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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