You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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