College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just high enough for therapy.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
