After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
