i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
