Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
