Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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