We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
