he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
