This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
