On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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