The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
