I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
