Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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