There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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