Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
