i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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