Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
