You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
