Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
