Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
