I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
