if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
