Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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