New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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