I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You can't just leave with hair like that
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
