Having a random hookup so left but love u
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
