i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
