You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
