we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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