He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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