i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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