Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
