Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
