he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
