He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
