I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
