Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
