woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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