rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
