i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
