There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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