singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
