If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
