She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
