my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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