I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
