Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
