I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
