Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
