Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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